HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

· My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

· My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

· My mother taught me LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why."

· My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

· My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

· My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

· My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

· My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

· My mother taught me about WEATHER
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

· My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

· My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

· My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

· My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

· My mother taught me about ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"